Reflections on a Year of Distance Learning and Pandemic Living

Good morning friends! The sun is shining over here this morning as I sit here at 8:45am in my pajamas, with my coffee, and wearing headphones to drown out the sounds of my daughter’s second grade zoom.

It’s Friday, March 12th, 2021 and one year ago today, I said goodbye to my choir students, thinking this would all blow over in a few weeks. I distinctly remember one of my seniors saying, “Zina, I don’t think we will be coming back in a few weeks, or maybe even this school year.” Although I hoped that it would not be the case, I instinctively felt that he was right.

School’s Out For….Ever???

I remember when news of the pandemic was just starting to be reported (I think it was February?), and another one of my particularly laid back seniors approached me in my office and said, “Zina, have you heard the news about the Corona Virus?” He seemed pretty worried, which wasn’t characteristic of him, but I remember thinking-this is just another one of those overblown news stories. I might have even said something to that effect. I NEVER thought COVID-19 would change our world as we know it, and for so long.

At the beginning, our schools had a plan for regular sanitizing. They were supposed to issue us cleaning packages with gloves, hand sanitizer, and disinfecting wipes. This was before masks were a thing. The cleaning kits kept getting delayed. Shortages. Meanwhile, we were in school anyway, having no real idea what was coming. And with no cleaning kits, and not even soap available in some of the student bathrooms. Even taking COVID-19 out of the picture, our campus was struggling with basic access to clean facilities. I was not optimistic, and my kids were legitimately scared. We absolutely did not have the tools to stop the virus spreading in the beginning.

Everything is Cancelled

My Pops Concert, scheduled for March 11, 2020: cancelled on March 10th. One night before the event.

Every public event, festival, performance and gathering: cancelled, one by one.

That was just the tip of the iceberg, as it turned out…

When universities and colleges started going remote, I knew it was only a matter of time before we did in K-12 education too. And I think we were all initially very relieved when we shut down on March 13, 2020. I said goodbye to my high school choirs in person on March 12, not realizing that it would be the last time I saw most of them. And on March 13th, I said goodbye to my middle school kids, having a better idea of the situation. It was changing so rapidly already.

Distance Learning for Choir

One of the cornerstones of a performing arts program is the ability to connect and collaborate in person. Choir is a place where kids from all walks of life come to connect and make music. Our choirs were a thriving community, and a lifeline for some. But the stresses of the pandemic, the unstable internet connections, and the challenges of translating choir to an online platform took a huge toll on our groups. The experience of singing as a group in real time just cannot be duplicated digitally. There were kids I never saw again after that day, either because they didn’t show up, withdrew from school, or never turned their cameras on zoom.

Meanwhile, I busted my butt trying to translate choir to a distance learning platform. I spent countless hours collaborating with my colleagues, learning new technology, redesigning curriculum, reaching out to MIA kids, and literally exhausting myself. In a season where we are normally performing like crazy and traveling, I was putting in way more exhausting hours just trying to keep the program afloat and keep kids connected. And no matter how hard I tried, so many of my students just checked out. Some of them couldn’t cope with the zooms, many of them were overwhelmed with other course work, some of them went to work to support their families after their parents lost their jobs, and some of them were coping with the loss or illness of a family member with COVID. Everyone had a reason and a story.

As if All of THAT Weren’t Enough…

In May 2020, during my teacher evaluation (which was excellent, btw), my principal casually slipped an “oh by the way, we are cutting a section of choir” into our meeting. Normally, I fight hard for my programs, but this time, I had no hope of saving it. All the things that we normally do to build, recruit, connect, and inspire were indefinitely cancelled. And people were scared, exhausted and checked out.

And all of this was happening while taking care of my 6 year-old first grader and her distance learning, scrambling to try to be prepared for who knows what, figure out how to go to the grocery store without my daughter as a solo parent, sheltering in place, and don’t get me started on the toilet paper shortage.…or the food shortages.

For a long time after school closures, I was operating in survival mode. And I also did a lot of the things on the “Pandemic Bingo” circulating FB. Remember that? I started a pandemic garden, baked bread (one time), and started shopping for three weeks worth of groceries at a time. Basic things were a huge challenge, like getting groceries, and moving around freely in the world without fear. And it seemed like every time we relaxed, another crazy thing happened.

Everything is Burning

I was thankfully able to relieve a huge amount of my stressors and take a leave from my job. Ayla and I were kicking butt, sort of. Distance learning second grade was really hard for her at first. And then in August, a freak dry lightning storm and high winds set the Santa Cruz mountains on fire. We were lucky. We live in the part of the mountains that DIDN’T catch fire. However, the fire was moving so fast, that I prepared just in case.

• 

• 

• 

• 

Nothing helps you evaluate your life and the worth of your belongings like a natural disaster…or a global pandemic.

Pretty soon, most of California was burning. Then Oregon and Washington too. So many friends lost their homes or were evacuated.

Ash rained from the sky, smoke filled the air, and the skies turned dark.

California peeps-remember when the planned power outages were the worst thing ever?

In September, we escaped to Montana to visit friends, and my transmission promptly broke in Reno…but $5000, four days, and a new transmission later, we made it to our destination.

And I won’t even get started on all the crazy, history-making events that have taken place over the past year.

The Take-Away

Friends, this is only a tiny bit of my journey this past year, but I know it echoes the journeys of many of you out there in one way or another.

For so many, this past year was one of survival and resilience, of loss, devastation, of newfound gifts and opportunities, and perhaps of a shift in responsibilities, priorities, and perspective.

As I look back on the past year of living in a global pandemic, here are some of my take-aways:

On Parenting

• I’m incredibly fortunate to be home with my kid, and grateful for it. Yes, being a solo parent is hard. Being a solo parent during a pandemic has tested my resilience in a million ways. But I’m one of the lucky ones and I won’t forget it. I get to stay home this year and still put food on the table and provide good things for us. Yes, I worked hard to have the resources in place that it was an option. I earned the time and I genuinely needed it too. But I’m still lucky.
• I really like my kid, and I’m grateful that I can spend so much time with her. As a solo mama, I’ve had to work a lot to support our family, and working in performing arts education means concerts, trips, and time away. As all that fell away, I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing aspects of my daughter’s life and personality that I never would have otherwise. She’s a cool human. And I get to hang out with her.
• I really like my kid, AND I need alone time. For the past year, my daughter and I have been together constantly. As much as I love and like her, this gets really difficult to cope with sometimes. I love staying home with Ayla, but I also really miss doing things alone or with friends.
• Distance learning is not the same as homeschooling. Probably a no-brainer here. Our teachers have done an incredible job this year. I’m about to embark on a homeschooling journey with my daughter as schools reopen, and it’s a whole different ball game when someone else is planning your child’s education. No pressure here…

On Work:

• I really miss my students, the performing, the travel, and the music. But I don’t miss the stress of fighting for my program. Or the constant fundraising. Or worrying about program numbers, recruitment, and if I’m going to get cut this year or next. I also appreciate sleeping in. 7am classes were challenging!
• I am more than my job. So much more. And I want more. I’m incredibly grateful that I have a great, fulfilling career that allows me to support my daughter on my own. And it’s still okay to want more.

On Social Connection and Community

• I miss my community, and zoom does not replace in-person human connection. I’ll just leave that right there.
• Grieving is harder in isolation. Too many people have exited this earth this past year. It’s been so difficult to not be able to gather and grieve in community.
• I’m grateful for the time. Although I miss some aspects of “the before times” I’m honestly really grateful for the breath this time off has given me. It’s giving me the space to clear, take a personal inventory, go on adventures, and dare to dream something new moving forward. I’ve needed this for years, and life just never stopped long enough for me to dive in. Welp, I dove in and there’s a lot to see in here…

On Life In General

• Having lots of outdoor space has saved us. I need nature. I also need to be surrounded by earth rather than concrete. So much gratitude for our home in the mountains.
• I am resilient AF (thank you, HS choir kids, for the acronym), and I bet you are too. Look what we have made it through this past year?!?
• Life is precious and our time here is not guaranteed. Live Well, live large, love well, and enjoy and embrace your family, loved ones and friends as much as you can while you can.

Looking Forward

And today, one year after everything was cancelled, I am working on starting my own voice studio, launching this blog, and exploring a number of other business and life opportunities designed to create a good life for my daughter and I. We are getting ready to travel to Costa Rica to explore the possibility of a new life there and visit our closest friends, who have already made the leap, and I am embarking on a homeschooling adventure with my vivacious daughter. Taking a year off from my job has not been a vacation. I have not been idle. If anything, I’ve been busier. I’m investing in my family’s future and our own well being.

Live well friends,

Z